Survivor China, Season 15: Ep 4/5
Episode Five, more like Mambo No. 5! Does that make sense? Not really, but neither does anything that happens on Survivor! I’ll be honest, most of episode four had me feeling like I was wasting my time doing this recaps — not because nobody reads them (my Mom has read at LEAST one), but because my HEART just couldn’t get into it. I can only write so many words about Dave without me feeling like I’m in middle school, rambling in a journal about why I hate L****h R****n (take your guess, Westwood High!). These recaps are supposed to be serious, never-before-seen breakdowns of very-much-before-seen episodes of Survivor. But Episode 5, oh Episode 5 — it was sweeter than virginal Erik’s eventual deflowering; sweeter than the cajun-twanged nothings James is whispering in Lunch Lady Denise’s ears. It was sweeter than finally seeing Dave voted— actually, that was pretty frickin’ sweet too.
OK, let’s speak quickly of Dave and Episode 4 and then never again (unless Dave comes back due to some unholy Survivor twist). Episode 4 was really just more of the same — Zhan Hu getting the tar beat out of them by, what I now realize is a truly stacked Fei Long tribe (or at least, a Fei Long tribe featuring James, Aaron and assorted others). James and Aaron blow the top guys for Zhan Hu out of the water, in a way that shows the value of having challenge beasts at the start of the game.
Long story short, Fei Long wins the reward challenge and kidnaps Dave, and I was almost happy to see him immediately start grating on the Fei Long tribe members. I am trying to think of parallels for Dave, and watching him “engage” with Fei Long tribe members sends me back to Michael Scott, Season 1:
Dave, upon hearing Courtney works as a waitress in New York City
Dave, providing camp entertainment
Anyway, Dave predictable annoyed the hell out of Fei Long, gave Todd the hidden immunity idol clue because apparently everybody trusts devious old Todd, and then went back to camp and immediately started arguing with PG about what water they should use for rice.
Zhan Hu loses immunity — shocker! — and then Survivor played me for a fool, because I got legitimately worried that Sherea was going to go home before Dave. I had assumed it was a foregone conclusion that Dave was out, but then suddenly Sherea’s “lack of work ethic” around camp becomes a big deal to everybody and my heart started beating faster, imagining another episode of listening to Dave gaslight the rest of his tribe members about how to properly use his fire pit. Sherea did seem to be shooting herself in the foot — she insisted on her argument being that she shouldn’t work hard around camp because A) She doesn’t like it and B) she needs her energy for the challenges. These are both things that seem to apply to everybody playing the game of Survivor. I was pleading with her to just say “OK, I will work more around camp — now can we all agree to vote out the most annoying human being of all time.” Luckily, that is exactly what happened, and now looking at the Zhan Hu remaining 5, I was finally like — that’s a nice tribe!
Unfortunately — dun, dun, dun — that didn’t last for long! Enter Episode 5. Of course, before the games begin, we have to get teased with some romance from not one, but TWO, sexy couples.
First off, we have Jamie and Erik, who have essentially this interaction:
Erik: *Smiling* What’s your middle name?
Jamie: Nicole.
Erik: Awesome. Anyway, I’m a virgin. I haven’t met the right person before, but after spending 13 days with you without showering I feel like you might be the one.
Awesome. You know what’s MORE awesome? This impending fuckfest:
I mean — come ON. Aside from gameplay, the Survivor melting pot is what makes this game great: where else will you ever see an incredibly attractive, Louisiana gravedigger making googly eyes at a lunch lady from Swampscott (I would bet my bottom dollar she is from the Greater Boston area). Their connection also seems to be genuine, and while James admitted that there is a bit of an age gap, they both really like each other’s work ethic, and James even made Denise laugh when they were catching fish together.
But the Survivor Gods show no mercy — only right after building up this budding romance, does the show rip these two soulmates apart in the first real twist of the game. Each tribe gets to select 2 members from the opposing tribe to come over to their tribe — essentially swapping tribe members. Each tribe is also ONLY told that they are selecting 2 members of the other tribe — they don’t receive information that they will also surrendering their own members. The difference in tribe capabilities is apparent when Fei Long immediately infers they will likely be giving up 2 members, and those 2 members will be James and Aaron. On the other hand, Zhan Hu is left flabbergasted when they find out Frosti and Sherea have to leave. Idiots.
Taking Aaron and James makes perfect sense for Zhan Hu; for Fei Long, it’s unfortunate they didn’t split up Jamie and Erik, but I don’t think they had any way of knowing that was the strongest duo at Zhan Hu.
This kind of flip can have different impacts for different players. For Sherea, she was likely to be the next to go at Zha Hu, and considering the pace at which that tribe was losing, she likely would have gone. Now, she likely has Frosti and potentially even Jean-Robert going ahead of her at Fei Long. Frosti is put in a tougher position, but he is boosted by the fact that Jean-Robert’s horrible personality could grant Frosti a stay of execution through at least one tribal council.
On the other side, James and Aaron are both dealt much worse hands, Aaron especially: was safe through the merge, and then had a strong alliance that should have taken him into at least the top 5. James’ strength will put him at a disadvantage in any pre-merge tribe, but it seemed like he would have at least had Jean-Robert going before him, and potentially Courtney (although I think Tomanda would have voted James out, knowing there is a likely merge upcoming).
However, the tribal shake up takes on another level excitement when PG and Jamie concoct a plan so devious, they may be rivaling Todd for the Most Devious Award — so much deviousness! PG and Jamie strategize to throw the next two immunity challenges, and vote off James and Aaron. The idea is that there are 5 original Fei Long members at Fei Long — if Fei Long loses, they will likely vote off Frosti and/or Sherea, meaning the original Zhan Hu members could go into a merge with only 3 members against a Fei Long-Seven. On the other hand, if Zhan Hu loses, Jamie, PG, and Erik can vote out James and Aaron, go into the merge, reunite with Frosti and Sherea, and then have a 5-v-5 situation.
That was a mouthful. But worth it — like eating a mouthful of grandpaps homemade gumbo (sorry, James’ folksy vernacular is rubbing off). The few times I have seen tribes throw a challenge I have hated it. It took all season for Ozzy to earn me back in Cook Islands— so if you throw a challenge, you have to be one of the best competitors Survivor has seen ever, in order for me to love you again. I’ve hated it because A) it does feel kind of icky, but also B) it has almost NEVER made sense. Most times, these tribes throwing challenges are getting rid of somebody that would at least serve as a buffer were they actually to lose a challenge. You just always want more members on your tribe — even if you think they’re going to flop post-merge, you know who is also likely to be against you post-merge? The other tribe!
But this plan…actually makes a bit of sense? At least strategically, they are getting rid of not only players from the opposing tribe, but also the strongest players when the game turns to individual immunity. However, PG and Jamie have to account for the Survivor Gods, which I imagine is Jeff Probst yelling at the producers about how nobody dare tarnish the sanctity of this game without retribution. And I do think Jame and PG are asking for it from the Gods — the WAY they threw the challenge was, shall we say, unbecoming. And factor in the fact that their chicanery left James to flail alone at the puzzle — nobody wants to see James distraught (well maybe we do a little, because a distraught James has some EXCELLENT reactions):
Oh sweet, sweet James. This game is not for the faint of heart — I gather James does not have to deal with this kind of treachery at the graveyeard. Jamie and PG laughing about the whole thing like a couple of middle school girls who have gotten a boy to ask out the “nerdy” girl as a joke also leaves a very bitter taste in my mouth. And I do believe they will get some kind of comeuppance — but I still can’t fault their strategy. And at the end of the day, I’ll take a player making slimy, but well-reasoned strategical play anybody — we all, to some degree, pray at the altar of Hatch (minus the tax evasion and sexual misconduct). Scratch that — we all pray at the alter of Rob Centineo. Point being, I think they were likely done for if they DIDN’t throw the challenge, so I credit them for taking the risk.
Now, I thought this episode had given me enough thrills — tribal swapping, a thrown challenge, an incredulous James, but then I was left with the cherry on top: a surprise exit for Aaron! The last we saw before tribal was James essentially giving PG the OK to vote him off, and PG agreeing to that plan. Aaron was so sure that James was gone that he even threw a vote in for James — so we see the votes read for PG and James, and then a vote for Aaron that definitely threw James and Aaron (and me) for a loop! Typically, tribal is set up in a way where it is either between two people and I’m not sure who it will be, but it will definitely be one of them, or in a way where it’s pretty clear who is going — this was completely set up as the latter. But one last surprise left me feeling like I had just ridden the Turkish Twist at Canobie Lake Park (0/10, do not recommend).
This season has taken an exciting turn — I now get to look forward to no more Dave, at least one more episode of James saying things like “Dah Gummit, this stinks worse than a Mississippi Crawdad!” and the potential for Jamie to turn Erik into a man — stay tuned!
